Does two posts in one week make up for missing September?
I didn’t post the entire month of September. I wrote, still needed to process my thoughts through words. But none of it was shared. I had a FANTASTIC but emotional month. This September included a lot of firsts which led to a lot of feelings. I went on my first retreat since high school, celebrated my 29th birthday, and made so many memories. September has always been my favorite month. It is my birthday month, football is back every Saturday, and (not surprising to anyone) I’ve always loved back to school. So I focused on the positives, the new happy memories, and didn’t spend much time on my laptop. But now I’m back in the swing of things and decided to post this that I wrote on September 16th:
This September has a lot of firsts in it and it feels weird.
Today would be my fifth wedding anniversary. I spent it doing laundry, unpacking my house, and crying. I needed that release. I watched our wedding video. I know that’s weird- but I was feeling so uncomfortable, I had to do something. So I watched it and cried. Tears of sadness, tears of relief, tears of joy, and tears of gratitude over so many areas of my life. It was- and still is- a beautiful video that captured such a great day.
I don’t regret getting married. I might have been too young, too naiive. Others would say I should have listened to them. But I didn’t. And I am forever grateful for that. I did love Dan, and I still do- just in a different way now. Now I watch the video and see two friends throwing a fantastic party. I also see people in relationships that have lasted years and years. I also notice the relationships that have ended.
“What God has joined, man must not divide” was in our vows. Hearing that made me feel guilty at first. After further reflection though, we didn’t divide. We united our families, our friends, our whole lives. We still see each other often. I am grateful for my past, my present, and my future. I’m going to spend as much time present in the current moment as I can.
