Depression is More Than Just Being Sad

Twitch’s depression and death has really hit me hard. So You Think You Can Dance is a show that I always watched with my family. We would watch it on vacation, text and call each other about it, and Youtube’d our favorite dances for hours. Twitch was always my favorite.

When he and his wife, Allison got together, it made my fangirl heart SO HAPPY! I followed them on Tiktok and Instagram, fell in love with their family and even danced with them. Technology is so cool that we get to feel so close to the celebrities we look up to. When I heard he died by suicide, my heart broke.

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I have diagnosed depression, anxiety, and ADHD. My last post was all about my ADHD, anyone that has ever met me can tell I have anxiety, but my depression? That one is harder to pick up on. A lot of the symptoms that show get a little confusing. So here we go, digging into the symptoms of depression – and why I discounted them for too long. If you are at ALL concerned you might be depressed, talk to your doctor. There is no shame in taking medication to balance out your brain’s chemistry and everyone benefits from therapy!

Feelings of sadness? Well, I cry a lot- but I’m just an emotional person. Besides, who doesn’t feel sad every now and then? What I didn’t realize, is that not everyone’s sadness can be so debilitating that they can’t move or even think about anything else. Sadness doesn’t have to completely cut off your ability to breathe.

Sleep disturbances? I have always loved sleeping and sleep a LOT. Like, I consider sleeping a hobby of mine. If I have a free afternoon, I will schedule a nap. My superpower is my ability to fall asleep anywhere and everywhere: tubing off the back of the boat, in line at Disney World, waiting for my Chipotle. When I started having trouble falling asleep at night, I assumed that was because of my anxiety and honed in on treating my worries and numbing myself. Most nights I fall asleep to stand up comedy or a sitcom I’ve seen before in order to calm my mind. Mindfulness and meditation work sometimes, but laughter has always been the best medicine for me.

Lost of interest and pleasure? Well my libido lowered when I started anxiety medication. And I was way too busy with work to have time for anything else. Like I said earlier, if I ever had free time, I would sleep or read.

Trouble thinking, concentrating, and making decisions? HELLO ADHD and anxiety! My mind runs at a million miles an hour allllll the time. I did not know this isn’t what everyone experiences. Your mind can just be BLANK? Never mine. There is always at least one song, three thoughts, a conversation, and every now and then something random pops out like a damn Jack-in-the-box.

Feelings of worthlessness or guilt? Fixating on past failures or self-blame? Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches? Yep, yes, yeah. All of the above. Now that I’m aware of the cause, I know better how to help myself. Ibuprofen and Instagram can only get you so far. I am forever grateful for my therapist and all of the tools she has helped arm me with.

The main reason this post is important? Visibility, awareness, prevention, safety. The more we talk about our mental health, the more comfortable others might feel with their own.

Love to you.

🤟 Lexi